Schadenfreude, with Gary Coleman
This is the strangest story I have ever read. Join me, as I try to wrap my head around it.
Gary Coleman told "The Insider" that even though he got married in August... Gary Coleman got married? BUT, He hasn't yet consummated the relationship with his wife. He got married but he hasn't had sex in six months. Six months! Why bother getting married? He says "It will happen when it happens." Six months! Gary Coleman? I can't believe Gary Coleman got married but can you believe that? He hasn't had sex with his wife? Maybe it's a height thing...ok keep reading
He and his wife, Shannon Price, both say that they fight so much that she has feared for her safety. Stop. So they get married but don't have sex because he's too busy beating the crap out of her, I see, so she's too scared to do it with him, fair enough but then why did she marry him? I mean she married the guy and right away he starts beating her, maybe just maybe she should have seen it coming. Then again, this is Gary Coleman we're talking about. Ok maybe she didn't see it coming but it's Gary Coleman, WHAT DID YOU SEE IN GARY COLEMAN?
"i'm used to it" says Price. Used to what? Fighting? fearing for your own safety? this thing is seriously messed up. Oh look at this, Coleman got a citation for a domestic dispute after the police were called in... this is a marriage made in heaven.
Actually it's a marriage made in Nevada, on a mountaintop and Shannon Price is 22. 22!!??? But they've been keeping the vows secret, probably because she's embarrassed, did she marry him for his money? How the f*ck does Gary Coleman land a 22 year old? and then he'd rather beat her than nail her?
The couple met on the set of the 2006 comedy "Church Ball" I don't remember that movie, gotta IMDB it, back in a flash (you don't care how soon I come back, anyway...) Right, "Church Ball" is about a team of misfit, unathletic basketball players playing for a priest who's pressured to win the church ball championship before the league falls, and Gary Coleman is one of the basketball players. Right. And Shannon Price isn't listed in the credits or anywhere on IMDB. On with the story...
Price says it was she who proposed to Coleman.
I have no words for this. That's nuts! SHE proposed to HIM? You're Gary Coleman! A 22 year old is throwing herself at you, asking to be your wife, and you're fighting with her! I shudder to think people like this even exist, what the hell is wrong with these two? Gary surprised Shannon on her birthday and whisked her away to Valley of Fire State Park to exchange wedding vows. That was six months ago, and no sex yet, just fighting, can't forget that.
And he convinced her to keep it a secret (or maybe she convinced him) because she wanted to keep being seen as her own person. Ahh, think you blew that one when you proposed to Gary Coleman.
Of the age difference, Coleman said "I don't have issues with age, I have issues with intelligence...she's more intelligent than I am" um, that would make you pretty effin' stupid because she's 22, she proposed to you and is staying with you even though she fears for her own safety this whole thing is so screwed up OF COURSE it's happening to Gary Coleman. Oh yeah I'm glad I've made it this far without a--nope, not gonna do it. Someone'll leave it in the comments, inevitably.
The 5'7" Price commented on the height difference. Gary Coleman is 4'8". "That doesn't really matter to me," she said. "He was 10 feet tall to me because he was sweet (but now you fear for your safety) and I really liked his personality." Until you fought so much that you refused to have sex with him and somehow he doesn't mind but oh yeah something's wrong with this relationship because you fear for your safety, but you're used to that? This story makes my head spin,
yet still manages to be hilarious.
Makin' the world a better place....