Saturday, March 22, 2008
In the meantime, you can track my progress, along with my 2 sports-crazed college friends, on our trip blog. Enjoy!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
veritable - adj. being truly so called; real or genuine
Saponaceous - adj. having the nature or quality of soap. such as, um, soap. What else is saponaceous other than soap?
Hey, Joey, stop rubbing up against me, whaddya think, I'm saponaceous or something?
That ought to effectively attenuate my readership...
attenuate - v. to make slender, fine or small. to reduce in force, value, amount, or degree; weaken.
Moving on...I wish I could take credit for this, but last week Wordsmith.org chose a week's worth of 14 letter words, then defined each word in exactly 14 letters:
circumbendibus - n. circumlocution
Brobdingnagian - adj. Of gigantic size.
tinctumutation - n. Change of colour. (in this case, the rule only works if you're British)
tintinnabulate -v. To ring; to tinkle.
acritochromacy -n. Color blindness. (didn't need the Brits this time)
I can't take credit. But I'll do them one better. Or, that is, one less.
13 letter words! defined in 13 letters, let's do it!
indefatigable - adj. cannot be tired
jurisprudence - n. science of laws
prevarication -n. an intended lie
efflorescence - n. a flowery state
deuteragonist - n. second billing
speciesism - n. humans rule!
nidifugous - adj. fly away now
honorarium - n. service fee
bowdlerize - v. to bleep out
alimentary - adj. nourishing
Alimentary, my dear Watson. Simply delicious.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
DNC: No. You can't.
DNC: If you do it, it won't count. And we won't let you come to our party.
DNC: Are we?
DNC: Don't do it.
DNC: You too?
DNC: No. Iowa first, then
DNC: No dice.
DNC: Don't but
Nobody was bluffing, and these states acted retardedly by insisting on earlier primaries. And today they look even retardeder because the Democratic race has gone on for over a month past the original
Yes, I know retardedly is not a valid adverb. And that retardeder isn’t a word.
“It would be a logistical nightmare. First of all, we have the school board elections coming up in May, and then we have to get ready for the local and state elections in August. How are we going to be able to squeeze a presidential primary in the middle of all of that?”
Seriously? This woman is like the registration lady at the beauty pageant at the end of “little Miss Sunshine.” You know, the one who says Olive can’t register because she already turned off the computer? Turn the damn computer back on!
It’s not a logistical nightmare. Pick a day, set up the voting machines the same way you did when you had your stupid fake primaries, invite everyone who’s registered to come vote, and make a choice: Clinton or Obama. Pretend like the first vote never happened, because it shouldn’t have happened. Then, count the votes. Tada!
Because of what’s at stake here, because of the record turnouts of this election, there is no doubt people in these states will want their voices heard and their votes counted. So keep it simple,
DNC: No. Don’t do that.
DNC: Do you like being the butt of election jokes?
Thursday, March 13, 2008
What, that doesn't make any sense? Well, neither does starting Daylight Savings Time at least 3 weeks before anyone else in the world.
No daylight is being saved, it's just reallocated. Ask anyone who has to leave for work before 7. A week ago, we commuted in daylight. Now, half-darkness. Screw you, Daylight Savings Time.
Ok, for real, Wednesday Wordplay: I'm tired of explaining myself on Facebook every time I use the word "QI" or "XU" in scrabulous. The Scrabble Dictionary says these are words and let's me use them, so stop being bitter that I scored 50 points with it. Now, you can too. And you can tell your opponent what they all mean....here we go.
Qi - n. The vital force believed in Taoism and other Chinese thought to be inherent in all things. It's also spelled "Chi" and "Ki" (that one's usable, too) Ka is an egyptian spiritual entity, believed to live within the body during life and to survive it after death. Ba is another egyptian spiritual entity, an aspect of the soul represented by a bird with a human head.
Let's go alphabetically now (roughly), so as not to confuse.
Aa is a word, and will get a scrabble player out of plenty of rough spots. Aa is rough itself, it's a rough basaltic lava. Ae is also acceptable, the scottish word for "one". Ai is a three-toed sloth, pronouced ah-ee!
Ab is an abdominal muscle, you knew that. Ad is an advertisement. You knew that, too. Ag is agriculture.
Al - n. an indian mulberry tree.
Am, An, As, At - duh. More duhs: Be, By, Do, Go, He, If, In, Is, It, Me, No, Or, Ox, So, To, Up, Us and We.
Ax - a thing you use to cut stuff.
Ay - the letter "A" Ef is the letter "F". There's also Em, En, Ar, Es, and Ex.
Bi is slang for a bisexual. Bo is slang for pal. Other accepted slang or dialectic words : un (one), na (no), et (ate) ya (you). Za is a slang word for pizza (that I've never heard anyone use, why do you have to abbreviate the word Pizza?).
De is the preposition meaning "from" or "of", just like in french or spanish class.
Do. A deer. A female deer. Ok, not really. it's actually a verb. But - Re, Mi, Fa, La, and Ti are all acceptable, too. Li and Si are semi-tones. Loyal reader Eric can explain.
Ed - short for "education"
Fe - the hebrew letter פ. Put a dot inside and it's Pe.
Id - the opposite of egoInterjections!
Ah! or ahhhhh
Lo (and behold)
Hi! Ho! Oh,
Oi Oy (vey!)
Ye (an olde-y but a goode-y)
Jo - n. beloved one; darling; sweetheart.
Ma - and her husband Pa.
Mo - short for moment
Mu - is a greek letter, so is nu, pi and xi.
Ne - from the french "nee" meaning born.
Od - n. a hypothetical force formerly held to pervade all nature and to manifest itself in magnetism, mesmerism, chemical action, etc.
Oe is a whirlwind
Om - a mantric word used in meditation.
Op - as in "op-art"
Os - bone
Xu - 1/100th of a Dong
(It's Vietnamese currency, not... get your mind out of the gutter. There's room here for a Lorena Bobbitt joke, but I think I'll steer clear)
And that's Wednesday Wordplay, on thursday. Now go win your scrabulous games!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Ron Paul is a stunning waste of paper. At least Mike Huckabee won a caucus. But Ron Paul motivated a substantial number of people to yell and scream wherever they could find a camera and then return to putting up posters and papering cars at train stations.
At times, I have to say, I liked Ron Paul. I liked that he spoke from his heart or mind or something, and didn't sound like a politician. But it seems every time he had my attention, he'd run off the rails the same way Huckabee did. Listen to a Huckabee speech and the mind plays out a progression like this: well, that whole "no more income tax" thing sort of makes sense....hey this guy's kind of funny and charming....and he plays bass guitar....wait what was that he just said about Jesus and the Constitution....what does he mean "I'm a miracle guy, not a math guy"?...All right, Mikey, you lost me, and you need to be kept away from sharp objects.
The same with Ron Paul. I was with him, I was ok with him (and Huckabee for that matter) keeping his campaign going until McCain sewed up the nomination. Then Friday his campaign released this statement:
We acknowledge that Ron will not be the nominee and are winding down the campaign.
Take a minute to go over that in your head. And keep in mind he said this on FRIDAY.
Three days after you were mathematically eliminated from the race, and exactly a month since you last won a delegate, you "acknowledge" you won't be the nominee? Just now, you're getting this? Fine, but then he says his campaign isn't over, it's just winding down. He's leading the Ron Paul revolution. He's still running, for what I'm not sure.
But the fact that he has stuck around so long, and picked up over 100,000 votes on Tuesday, speaks to the way Republicans feel about their nominee, John McCain.
I don't know how this guy won. But I'd say that about any of the Republican candidates. John McCain? he's so old, and boring, and old. And he's about as inspiring as a pair of tube socks. He's been a good senator and I felt bad 8 years ago when he got Rove'd by the Bushies in South Carolina, but 8 years ago John McCain was 64 and this country hadn't endured 8 years of George W. Bush. The last thing we need is another Republican with no imagination who wants to keep us in Iraq for 100 years.
AND STOP TALKING ABOUT RONALD REAGAN!
I'm sick and tired of Ronald Reagan! I hope every time John McCain touts the glory of the "party of Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and Ronald Reagan", the democratic nominee points out that it's also the party of Herbert Hoover, Richard Nixon, and George W Bush. Enough with the Ronald Reagan, ok? You're just reminding people that you're old, don't have a clue about the economy, and are completely out of touch. Without the disarming "aw dad" sense of humor.
I wish they Republicans would nominate Ron Paul, a total crackpot with lots of posters and crazy ideas. This way I wouldn't feel so bad about the ongoing slugfest on the Democrat side. Kiss and make up, Dems, one of you has to go beat the old man.
Which leads me to my last point - this primary process needs fixing in a hurry, before Puerto Rico and a handful of semi-influential congressmen decide the Democratic race. Let's have a national primary. No more caucus crap, no more marathon campaigning, no more 20 debates, no more state-by-state pandering week after week.
Now that Ohio's done with, you won't hear a word about NAFTA until the general election. Texas is over, so no more talk about immigration. It's Mississippi now, so they'll talk about Katrina. Then it's on to Pennsylvania, where they'll talk about, I don't know, Cheesesteak reform? Enough. 1 day, 1 election, for all the marbles.
Take up that cause, Ron Paul, and get me a staple gun, and I'll join your revolution.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Anyway, this week's Wednesday wordplay isn't about election titles (Super Tuesday 2? Super-Duper Tuesday? Texas Tuesday, and also 3 other states that don't start with T?), but it's similar.
Ok, in 1992, the New York Mets spent a pile of money in the off season, bringing in Pirates' star slugger Bobby Bonilla, along with Pitcher Bret Saberhagen, Future hall-of-famer Eddie Murray, and a new manager, Jeff Torborg. The Mets marketing team went with the slogan "Hardball is Back", which turned out to mean "This time we'll suck for more money." The team finished 72-90, good for 5th place in the NL East. In 1993, their slogan should have been "the worst team money could buy" as they went 59-103.
Fast forward, it's 2005, Mets new GM Omar Minaya signs Carlos Beltran and Pedro Martinez and hires new manager Willie Randolph, generating all kinds of optimism in the marketing department. In '05, they're the "New Mets". In '06, it's "The Team. The Time." All season long, "the team, the time, the ticket", "the team, the time, the t-shirt" on and on and on, and what did it mean?
The Team. The Time. The heartbreaking Game 7 loss in the NLCS.
The Marketers regroup. Mets 2007: "Your Season Has Come." These marketing guys should be forced to turn around and spit or something after they come up with their slogans from now on.
Finally, in 2008, the marketers get a break. No slogan this year, it's the last year of Shea Stadium, the slogan is self-evident. And there's no chance that the slogan won't come true.
For me, it means I can make fun of other teams' stupid slogans because my team doesn't have one. Here they are, along with what they really mean:
Toronto Blue Jays
What they say: It's always game time
What it means: Yeah sure, whenever you can get here, eh?
What they say: Welcome to the bigs.
What it means: In case you didn't notice, we play Major League Baseball here and we won 14 straight division titles, what is wrong with you people? Come to our games!
What they say: NL Central Champs 2007
What it means: Still haven't been to the World Series since 1945, and it's been 100 years since we won it.
What they say: MOJO Risin'
What it means: We're good again!
What they say: You gotta be here!
What it means: PLEASE! PLEASE! YOU HAVE TO COME! PLEASE!!
What they say: Pledge Your Allegiance
What it means: It's a pun. because, Washington DC is the capital of America, and you say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag...of America, like so then you say it to the team, you pledge allegiance to a team like when you go to games and root for them and wear their hats, so pledge allegiance and Pledge of Allegiance, see? yeah, it's good.
What they say: This is Birdland
What it means: We got this slogan in a trade we made with the Blue Jays and Peter Angelos is forcing us to use it even though it sucks.
We used to have Cal Ripken, Jr. Our stadium is still really nice.
What they say: You could use some baseball
What it means: Meh, it's a baseball team.
What they say: "C" you there!
What it means: Get it? Cause Cincinnati starts with C!
What they say: 2007 National League Champions
What it means: We finally got something to put next to that "1995 NL Wild Card Winner" banner.
Kansas City Royals
What they say: New. Blue. Tradition
What it means: As opposed to the old blue tradition of winning.
What they say: Who's your tiger?
What it means: We're grrrrrrrrreat!
What they say: This is your state. This is your team.
What it means: Hence - Minnesota. Twins.