Showing posts with label Politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Politics. Show all posts

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Story of the Week - March 10-14

Do-Over

Florida: We want to have our primary in January.
DNC: No. You can't.
Florida: But we want to.
DNC: Don't.
Florida: We're doing it. We took a vote.
DNC: If you do it, it won't count. And we won't let you come to our party.
Florida: You're bluffing.
DNC: Are we?
Florida: But we really want to have it in January! Nobody will mind, the weather's great here in January.
DNC: Don't do it.
Florida: We're doing it.

Michigan: We want to be HEARD! EARLY!
DNC: You too?
Michigan: yep!
DNC: No. Iowa first, then New Hampshire. You people stay where you are.
Michigan: But we're a swing state and we have a terrible economy, give us some love!
DNC: No dice.
Michigan: But Florida--
DNC: Don't but Florida us, their delegates aren't going to count. And yours won't either.

Michigan: You’re bluffing.

DNC: Sheesh.

Nobody was bluffing, and these states acted retardedly by insisting on earlier primaries. And today they look even retardeder because the Democratic race has gone on for over a month past the original Florida and Michigan dates.

Yes, I know retardedly is not a valid adverb. And that retardeder isn’t a word.

And I know retarded is offensive to some people. It’s just that it’s too good a word to fall into the un-PC category. As Steve Carrell’s character, Michael Scott, says: “You don’t call a retarded person retarded. You call your friends retarded when they act like retards.” Or in this case, you call 2 states retarded when they act like retards.

Ok, back. It’s bad enough that these 2 important states shirked the Democratic National Committee and pig-headedly held meaningless primaries, but now they want a do-over. And in clamoring for the do-over, they once again display their utter retardation.

This is what the president of the Michigan Association of County Clerks has to say:

“It would be a logistical nightmare. First of all, we have the school board elections coming up in May, and then we have to get ready for the local and state elections in August. How are we going to be able to squeeze a presidential primary in the middle of all of that?”

Seriously? This woman is like the registration lady at the beauty pageant at the end of “little Miss Sunshine.” You know, the one who says Olive can’t register because she already turned off the computer? Turn the damn computer back on!

It’s not a logistical nightmare. Pick a day, set up the voting machines the same way you did when you had your stupid fake primaries, invite everyone who’s registered to come vote, and make a choice: Clinton or Obama. Pretend like the first vote never happened, because it shouldn’t have happened. Then, count the votes. Tada!

Because of what’s at stake here, because of the record turnouts of this election, there is no doubt people in these states will want their voices heard and their votes counted. So keep it simple, Florida and Michigan, ok?

Florida: We want a do-over. We want to do it by mail.
DNC: No. Don’t do that.
Florida: Bad idea?
DNC: Do you like being the butt of election jokes?
Florida: We’ve gotten used to it. At least we have sun.
Michigan: Shut up.
DNC: Retards.




Friday, February 8, 2008

Story of the Week - Feb 4-8

The Candy Factory

In the 1920s, two brothers returned from business college in Vienna to their hometown of Cieszyn on the border of Poland and Czecheslovakia and started a cookie making company in a basement. Soon after, the cookie making company blossomed into a thriving little chocolate factory that employed 500 people and made candy around the clock.

The family and the factory survive to this day. The family wound up in Cleveland, by way of the ghetto and concentration camp. The factory, , was confiscated by the Third Reich like all Jewish-owned businesses in Poland, then nationalized by the communist government of Poland, and later sold to its current owner, Kraft Foods.

The family would like its factory back.

Cieszyn is a large town about 100 miles southwest of Krakow, 200 miles north of Vienna and 300 miles west of Prague, on the Polish border with the Czech Republic and near the Polish and Czech border with Slovakia. It is and has for centuries been a crossroads town with a diverse population. Historically, Cieszyn was a tolerant and independent community made up of merchants and craftsmen.

In the Middle Ages, Cieszyn was a geographically ideal location for Jewish settlers. Jews were allowed to practice business freely and the proximity of Cieszyn to a variety of trade opportunities made that business lucrative. And so a Jewish community grew.

By the late 19th century, Jews made up 10 percent of the town's population. The rest of the population of Ciezsyn was a vibrant mix of Catholics, Protestants, Hungarians, Austrians, Czechs, and Germans. From about 1890 up to the outbreak of the First World War, Jews enjoyed political stability and security and economic prosperity in Cieszyn.

After World War I, political stability wavered as Ciezsyn was divided by the new border of Poland and Czechoslovakia. At the same time, the Schramek brothers returned from college in Vienna and started a cookie-making venture in a basement on the Polish side. They built up a factory and expanded into chocolate making. Even after one of the brothers died in 1932 and the future of Ciezsyn and Poland itself became uncertain, the factory continued to grow, and the 12 year old Hans Schramek envisioned one day inheriting the factory.

By 1939, the Schramek's candy factory had 500 employees. The town of Cieszyn had been reunited and had a Jewish population of about 3,000, still about 10 percent of the town. Hans Schramek was 19 years old when Germany invaded, and chose to remain behind in Cieszyn even as some family members fled the Nazi occupied country. The Third Reich issued its restrictions on Jews swiftly, and soon all Jewish businesses in Cieszyn, including the chocolate factory, were confiscated by the Nazis. The factory was sold to a German official at a steep discount.

Hans was forced to live in a ghetto and then shipped to various concentration camps, but managed to survive. After the war he attempted to reclaim his family's chocolate factory. But a lack of documentation and the rise of a new communist government in Poland made the reclamation impossible. In 1948, the candy factory was nationalized by the Polish government and the Schramek's appeal to a Polish high court was denied. In 1950, Hans Schramek and his mother left Europe and immigrated to Cleveland, OH.

Under Polish governmental control, the factory introduced the Prince Polo Bar, which was widely popular in the Eastern Bloc and even became the first widely available chocolate bar in Iceland. After the communist regime fell, Poland began to privatize its nationalized businesses, and in 1993 it sold the Schramek's factory to Kraft Foods, then a division of Phillip Morris.

The Schramek's have been fighting for their candy factory for over 50 years. They believe it was stolen from their family and should be returned. Kraft says it bought the factory in good faith and that the Polish Government has upheld the legitimacy of the sale, which is true.

But the situation brings up a moral responsibility debate that has been ongoing since the end of World War II: what can and or should be done to restore Jewish property stolen by the Third Reich?

According to the German government, a lot can and should and has been done. Germany has spent hundreds of billions of dollars satisfying Jewish claims of lost property from the Nazi regime. Since 1951, the Conference on Jewish Material Claims Against Germany (based in New York) has negotiated restitution for Holocaust victims on everything from real estate to artwork and family heirlooms. Forced labor compensation has also been addressed, though records in that area are sketchier and reparations are harder to calculate.

While Germany has provided retribution to surviving Jews worldwide for the atrocities of its recent past, the Polish government has done nothing. No legislation exists and therefore no legal precedent exists within the country to provide restitution to Jews, even in the case of the Schramek's chocolate factory, in which the claim to the property is relatively strong. Polish courts have ruled consistently against the claims of the Schramek family. As Hans Schramek told his daughter-in-law after Kraft bought the factory: "That factory belongs to us! No one ever compensated us for it! I am the legal heir to that business. I should have received millions of dollars for it!"

What is the United States doing to help the Schramek's and others like them? In short, a lot. The U.S. Government and various agencies, including the State Department's Office of Holocaust Issues, has put pressure on eastern European governments like Poland's to restore stolen property to its rightful Jewish owners. Thursday, the House Financial Services Committee heard testimony for the Holocaust Insurance Accountability Act of 2007. The act would provide accountability for thousands of bank accounts, insurance policies, and real estate claims that have gone uncompensated.

In 2008, the issue is increasingly more urgent and necessary. Holocaust survivors are aging and decreasing in number. Testimony to congress in October 2007 showed that as many of 1/4 of the remaining survivors are living in poverty. So if there is money or property in Eastern Europe that could benefit them, they should get it. Even if it's 50 years too late. Even if there really isn't enough money in the world to bring justice for the atrocities they experienced.

The Schramek's claim to the chocolate factory in Cieszyn can be rectified without government intervention. Kraft Foods is a large multinational corporation. The factory in Cieszyn, with its 250 employees represents only a small piece of that corporation. So it would not cost Kraft that much. in the grand scheme of things, to return the factory to its rightful owner. Kraft could see it this way, too - in time, legislation could obligate them to hand over millions of dollars in revenue to the Schramek family from years of selling the Eastern bloc's most popular candy bar.

It's about doing the right thing. And if it gets the factory back, the Schrameks should do the right thing, too. And it should allow the Foundation for the Preservation of Jewish Heritage in Poland to use the factory as a reminder of the once vibrant community of Jews in the town of Cieszyn and perhaps a sign of a possible return. After all, the benefits and reparations provided by the German government to Jews has caused the Jewish community in Germany to grow and prosper again. Under the right circumstances, the same thing can happen in Poland. Especially in a town like Cieszyn, with its proud history of diversity and multiculturalism.

Hans Schramek died in 2006, at the age of 86. Now it is up to his family to champion the cause of his father and uncle's chocolate factory. Before he died, he got to taste a Prince Polo Bar, as made by Kraft. He quipped "They probably still use our recipes."

Further reading:
Holocaust Retribution Sought for Kraft Plant - by Greg Burns, Chicago Tribune 2/7/08
The Holocaust Insurance Accountability Act of 2007
Conference on Jewish Material Claims Against Germany
Foundation for the Preservation of Jewish Heritage in Poland
Cieszyn web site - includes detailed history of the Jews in Cieszyn
http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/book_excerpt.asp?bookid=10881




Friday, January 25, 2008

Story of the Week -- Jan. 21-25

A pair of loyal readers have birthdays today, and I think that deserves special mention here in The Full Circle, so Happy Birthday Mom! and Happy Birthday Sam!

Somebody Listened!
Last week I wrote out a laundry list of things that I felt needed to stop. And you know what? Somebody listened!

Yes, it happened, Congressman Dennis Kucinich has stopped running for president. But that's not the best part. The best part is WHY this disillusioned little man stopped running for president.

He has to run for congress. And by run, I don't mean make a few commercials, put up a few signs, win by 80 percent of the vote the way many incumbent congressmen run. No, Dennis Kucinich has to start RUNNING for congress in the Ohio 10th congressional district right now, or he won't have a chance to wipe the floor with the Republican party's feeble excuse for a challenger.

That's because he has not one, not two, not three, not four....oh yes, it is four...FOUR Cleveland-area democrats challenging Mr. Kucinich for the nomination to be the Democratic candidate for the seat he's held in congress for 12 years. And that may be more embarassing than his two presidential campaigns.

Let's meet the challengers, shall we?

Joe Cimperman appears to be the most likely alternative to Kucinich. He's a Cleveland city councilman who campaigned on behalf of Kucinich in 2006 when Kucinich promised him that he wouldn't run for president again. When Kucinich broke that promise, Cimperman broke his, and is portraying himself as a candidate with local interests in mind. He says "my money comes from Cleveland, not from California."

Rosemary Palmer also campainged for Kucinich in 2006, but now says: "I entered this race in June because I did not feel he was focused on the job, nor able to effect the change we so desperately need. On issues of job creation, health care, the environment, and the Iraq war, Mr. Kucinich often talks a good game but seldom delivers," she said in a prepared statement.
Palmer has been a newspaper editor, an ESL specialist, and now an anti-war activist who lost a son in Iraq in 2005.

Thomas O'Grady is the mayor of North Olmstead, OH. He doesn't have a problem with Kucinich, but he too is hoping he'll turn his attention back to the Ohio 10th. He entered the race to ensure the anti-Kucinich vote wouldn't be split among 2 people, causing Kucinich to win. He doesn't seem to have much conviction of his own, though.

Barbara Ferris says about Kucinich "He was unable to achieve anything running for president; he was unable to achieve in 11 years in Congress," Ferris ran against Kucinich in 2006 and was clobbered. She's a former Peace Corps and UN worker.

Here's the fun of this race: this district is blue as can be, so it's likely whomever wins the nomination will win the seat. So there probably wasn't any pressure from the Democratic party for Kucinich to stop with the presidential nonsense and get his butt back to Ohio. Dennis Kucinich is fighting for the one thing he has left in terms of a political career, and yet he still kept up the presidential campaign beyond when he originally said he would. Instead of focusing on his endangered congressional seat, he fought to get into debates with Clinton, Obama and Edwards in Nevada and Michigan, and he kept campaigning. Then he announced he was quitting the day before a primary.

Good timing dummy. If (god forbid) I lived in Cleveland, I'd definitely vote for one of the other guys.








Sunday, January 20, 2008

ONE MORE YEAR

AMENDMENT XXII

"No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once..."

One year from today, it will officially become unconstitutional for George W. Bush ever to hold the office of President of the United States.

All bad things must come to an end, too.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Story of the Week - Jan. 14-18

Things That Need to Stop

We need to stop talking about Britney Spears. She's speaking in a British accent now? She didn't show up at the hearing to fight for her kids? She's in and out of a mental institution? None of this is surprising, all of this is sad, and stop forcing me to give a crap.

=====================

The New York Post needs to stop doing things like this:


This is Lynsey Nordstrom (and yes, that's how she spells it). She's the 21-year old Jessica Simpson lookalike that "was brought to the game by The Post after news broke that Romo was angering Dallas fans by jetting off to Mexico for a seaside romp with girlfriend Simpson when he was supposed to be training in the days before the big game."

So if I have this right: After the Giants upset the Cowboys, the Post "reported" that the Jessica Simpson lookalike IT planted in the crowd shared some of the credit, AND that was the front page story! There's a name for a newspaper that has to invent its own front page stories - it's called The National Enquirer. No more, NY Post, you don't deserve to be called a reputable source. And stop wagging the dog anyway. As a giant fan, I'm embarrassed by the Post this week. As a human being, I'm embarrassed by it most other weeks.

======================

In a related story, NFL.com needs to stop doing this:

NO!
NOT!
YET!

I got this e-mail offer earlier this week and I lost it.
Why on earth would any sports fan EVER pre-order that? They haven't won anything yet!
Pre-order is for Harry Potter books, because there's no will it/won't it involved. The book is coming out. The Giants will win or lose. These shirts will end up all over the NY metro area, or all over some third world country, depending on what happens on Sunday. But until Sunday, i don't want to see or hear any of this. Don't jinx it!

======================

We need to stop referring to OJ Simpson as "Ex NFL star OJ Simpson." I think we all know who he is. And, if OJ were a Taboo word (I'm sure he is somewhere) his buzz words are probably:
KNIFE, BLOODY GLOVE, FORD BRONCO, JUDGE ITO, BUFFALO BILLS, and it's doubtful Buffalo Bills even makes the cut ahead of Marcia Clark, Johnny Cochran, Nicole Brown, Ron Goldman, even Hertz and the Naked Gun. And now OJ is back in big legal trouble because of a shameful scheme to steal back his own memorabilia. That's pretty disgraceful, and the NFL has enough problems with its current players.

======================

Hamas needs to stop firing rockets into Israel from the Gaza Strip. First of all, they suck at it. Those rockets have primitive technology, no aim, and they don't do much damage. Still, Israel won't tolerate Islamic militants firing into Israel unprovoked. So what does the Israeli military do? They retaliate with sophisticated weaponry, and they kill people. Israeli military strikes have killed 35 people since Monday. That's almost triple the number of Israelis who have been killed by Hamas rockets since 2001.

Secondly, Hamas is only hurting the people it claims to fight for by firing the rockets into Israel. Because it causes Israel to cut off the flow of food supplies and electricity and petroleum to Gaza. Very little makes sense in Israel when it comes to "the situation," but there seems to be a simple solution to this cycle of violence, and it must start with Hamas. Boys, put down your silly rockets that don't hit anything and Israel will stop destroying your buildings and killing your people and you can attempt to govern yourselves.

======================

Ok, Dennis Kucinich - it's time to stop running for president. When your campaign spends more time in the courtroom trying to get your name on the ballot and fighting your way into debates, it's time to hang it up and tell your supporter to vote for someone else.

======================


American Idol needs to stop humiliating talentless hacks, even if they ask to be humiliated. I'm not the only one who thinks this, either. Ratings for the season premiere were down from last year, an indication that people are tired of watching ridiculous people make total asses of themselves on national TV while Paula, Randy and Simon repeat the same 6 phrases they've been repeating for 6 years. The novelty of it all is about 5 years too old.

I have an idea.
How about next season you take 500 of the best singers to Hollywood and you make it a real competition right from the start? I'd watch.

======================

The writers strike needs to stop. I'm watching too much Food Network. And American Idol sucks.



Friday, January 4, 2008

Story of the Week -- Dec 31-Jan 4

How to choose a Leader

a play.

(Yammernuen* Town Hall Episcopal Convenience Store Motel and Restaurant. Yammernuen, IA)
TOM: Good evening everyone, please have a seat. Don't get comfortable. First we'd like the thank the Yammernuen Township Town Hall Episcopal Convenience Store Motel and Restaurant for hosting the Caucus of the 119th precinct. I'm Tom Johnson, I will be overseeing tonight's proceedings. Some rules: It's now 7 o'clock sharp, so Frank over there will now lock the door. Nobody else is allowed into the caucus room. If you choose to leave, your vote will not count and a sympathy vote will be cast for Senator Joe Biden of Delaware. Rule number 2: please don't eat any of the cakes or cookies until told to do so if you want your vote to be valid. Rule number 3: excuse me, can I help you?

SPIEGALION: Oh, I'm just watching. You can pretend I'm not here.

TOM: You're not here.

SPIEGALION: That's what I meant. Keep going, don't mind me. This cake is delicious.

TOM: Ok, Rule number 3: please do not solicit homosexual sex in the bathroom or we will be forced to register you as a Republican and send you to Idaho. Yes, BOBBY, you have a question?

BOBBY: Do you think the Larry Craig jokes are starting to get old?

TOM: No. Rule number 4: each participant is allowed one question of the moderator. Probably should have waited on that one Bobby. Rule number 5: all other rules of the caucus are located in this 400 page publication which you should have received in the mail last year. Any questions? Good. Let's get started.
I'd like everyone to meet Bruno the Labrador Retriever. Everyone say hi Bruno.

EVERYONE: Hi Bruno!

BRUNO: Arf!

TOM: Bruno is going to walk around the room right now and count you. Please sit still. And don't mind him he's very friendly. While Bruno works, let me ask, how many of you have never participated in the Iowa caucuses before?

GROUP OF 10 IN THE BACK: WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOM: Yes, you must be from the University.

JOEY THE FISH: Yeah baby! Delta house baby!

TOM: Delta house? Like in Animal House?

SPIEGALION: That's my bad. Best I could come up with and I wanted to get this written before the New Hampshire primary. Really. Great cake. Who'd a thought?

TOM: All right, welcome, Delta House.

DELTAS: Yeah baby! Chug Chug Chug!

TOM: Hey, you can't drink in here!

MARTIN: Why not? Doesn't say it in the rulebook.

TOM: You read the rulebook?

JOEY THE FISH: He does all our homework too.

MARTIN: Well, not all....

PARKER: Don't be modest, you little genius, you. Have a beer.

BRUNO: Arf!

TOM: All right, looks like Bruno's done. Now he's going to show me on this number pad how many there are....and....101? Are you sure?

BRUNO: Arf!

TOM: Did you count Fred the bouncer?

BRUNO: Arf!

TOM: Were you supposed to count Fred the bouncer?

BRUNO: arf...

TOM: And why not? Because Fred the bouncer is from Minnesota...It's ok, just don't do it again. Here, have a cookie. Ok, so Bruno's vote is now invalid, and we have a revised number of 100 people in the room. That's very convenient.

SPIEGALION: You're welcome.

TOM: Right, so we have 100 voters here in the room and it appears we're ready to begin. Any questions? Nope. Saving em up. Smart. Alright let's go. The first round is simple. Each candidate has a designated area. Choose your favorite candidate, go to that area. They are as follows: for Hillary Clinton, you want the deli counter to my right. For John Edwards, the altar, underneath the cross. For Barack Obama--

DELTAS: Obama!! Drink! Drink! Drink!

TOM: For Obama--

DELTAS: Obama!! Drink! Drink! Drink!

TOM: Ahem, over there by the beef jerky. For Bill Richardson it's the check-out counter, Joe Biden, the newsstand, Dennis Kucinch, over there by the ladies' room, Chris Dodd right here at the podium, and....Mike...Gravel? Ok, raise your hand if you know who Mike Gravel is.

(nothing)

TOM: That's what I thought, all right, I motion to strike Mike Gravel from the ballot as he is not viable.

BETTY: Second

TOM: Thank you Betty. Here, have a cookie to make it official.

JOAN: Hey why does she get a cookie?

TOM: To make a motion pass, one must consume a combination of sugar, flour and chocolate. If a cookie or other such baked good is consumed...

JOAN: So I just had to second the motion?

RALPH: Trust me honey, you didn't need it.

JOAN: Why don't you have another pork chop, Ralph?

TOM: All right, all right. Enough. Now, you have 10 minutes to choose an area corresponding to your candidate. Time begins now.

(ten minutes later)

TOM: Ok, time is up. Now...we have to count up the various areas. Any candidate that has less than 15 percent, which, conveniently, means any area with less than 15 people, will be declared not viable.

TODD: And then we can have cake?

TOM: Not yet, um...sorry I forgot your name

TODD: It's Todd. Rhymes with Dodd.

TOM: Ah, and that's why you voted for Dodd?

TODD: Rhymes with Todd.

TOM: Good choice. Unfortunately it looks like you're the only one there, so, you'll have to either convince 14 more people to join you or choose a different candidate.

TODD: Oh....anybody else's name here rhyme with Dodd?

ROD: Mine does. Hi...Rod Leiden. Rhymes with Biden.

TODD: Rod, rhymes with Dodd...

ROD: That's true.

TOM: Rod, where's your wife?

ROD: Over there by the deli counter, with the rest of the middle aged women who don't watch Oprah.

PEGGY: I work during the day and Rod won't get us TiVo.

ROD: You don't need TiVo!

PEGGY: But it's only $5 a month!

ROD: I don't see how any of this will change if we have a woman as president.

PEGGY: Well I don't understand how you can vote for JOE BIDEN!

ROD: Rhymes with Leiden!

TODD: Rod, Rhymes with Dodd!

ROD: Yeah, I'm gonna move over here with my buddy Todd.

TOM: You see? This is what the Iowa caucuses are all about. Intelligent debate, youthful enthusiasm...and eliminating non-viable candidates. With Rod moving here, that puts a nail in the Joe Biden coffin. And sadly Rod and Todd--

ROD and TODD: Ryhmes with Dodd!

TOM: Right, well you're going to have to find a different criterion for choosing your candidate, because 2 is not 15. That goes for you two over there by the ladies room in the alien costumes. Not enough for Mr. Kucinich.

(two people in alien costumes leave, dejectedly)

TOM: That leaves Richardson, Edwards, Obama--

DELTAS: Obama!

TOM: And...Clinton. Now it appears there are only 9 of you over in Richardson's camp, so you'll have to choose someone else.

ELAINE: I don't know what to say.

TOM: Well, it's not that complicated, there isn't enough support for your candidate.

ELAINE: No I mean, we don't know what to say, we can't figure out what stereotype we're supposed to be.

TOM: Oh.

SPIEGALION: My friend BrookLyn GaL likes Richardson. Not sure if that helps.

ELAINE: Can she vote in Iowa?

SPIEGALION: No, no she can't. She's from Kansas.

TERRANCE: Iowa's more mind numbingly dull than Kansas.

SPIEGALION: Is that something you're proud of?

TERRANCE: mlurpgh.

SPIEGALION: Interesting.

TOM: Let's move on. Richardson people, find someone else to have nondescript semi-opinions for. Now, there are 3 viable candidates remaining. You have 20 minutes to persuade and decide. Once your vote is locked in, you can have a piece of cake.

RALPH: Finally

(takes a cookie)

TOM: Well I guess Ralph is voting for Clinton now.

JOAN: HA!

TRISHA: That's not fair, why are the cookies over by Hillary's area?

JOAN: Because that's where the counter is.

TRISHA : Yeah but now he's a vote for Hillary!

JOAN: Calm down, kid. He only voted for Obama because of the beef jerky.

DELTAS: Obama!

TRISHA: Motion to put the cookies and cakes in a neutral location.

RALPH: SECOND! (eats another cookie)

JOAN: Don't be a pig, Ralph.

RALPH: Can it, Joan. It's not my fault you're too slow.

TOM: Fred, can you get the cookies and bring them here to the center podium? OK, starting now, you have 20 minutes to persuade and make your second choices.

JOEY THE FISH: Attention young people and mothers who watch Oprah -- if you're not for Obama--

DELTAS: Obama!

JOEY THE FISH: You're against Obama.

DELTAS: Obama!

JOEY THE FISH: And if Obama Obama, Obama Obama. That's 4 more, ladies.

TRISHA: Hey, Obama's more than just the voice of the college student.

DELTA: Obama!

JOAN: Aren't you a college student?

TRISHA: Yes, but not like them. He's the voice of hope, and twentysomethings, and young people, and enthusiasm.

SUZANNE: And radical Islam.

MARY: He's not a Muslim! He's Episcopalian or something.

TRISHA: And even so, like another old white man is the answer?

SPIEGALION: I agree with you, but why should this rinkydink town in Iowa get to have this much power.

JOEY THE FISH: We brought beer.

SPIEGALION: Eesh.

TRISHA: Have you ever been to Iowa?

SPIEGALION: I'm not even here now.

TRISHA: Then what are you doing?

SPIEGALION: Trying to make a point that these caucuses don't make sense. That the race is far from over. That nobody cares about Iowa once the caucuses are over--

TRISHA: Stop there. You're ruining the ending. With my 10 drunk Delta boys and all these other young people who never participated in a caucus before, and these women who listen to everything Oprah tells 'em, I've got 39 votes here. Help me hand out these cookies.

SPIEGALION: I can't, I'm not here. Try the apple cake. Delicious.

TOM: Time's up. Bruno the Labrador will tally up the winners. And remember, in addition to this being a restaurant, town hall, motel lobby and convenience store, it's also a house of worship, so be sure to leave it how you left it. And you-

SPIEGALION: Yeah?

TOM: What are you doing? Nobody's gonna read this all the way to the end?

SPIEGALION: How do you know?

TOM: Cheesecake, saxophone, Brazilian tea paintbrush mechanism barbecue oxygen dynamic.

SPIEGALION: Now you're just messing with me.

TOM: You're messing with you.

SPIEGALION: right. Just call a winner.

TOM: Obama!

DELTAS: OBAMA!





*Yammernuen is a town invented by my younger brother when he was about 6 years old and is not the name of any town anywhere.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Story of the Week - Oct 22-26

Sunday Outrages

I was all set to write about this week's NFL venture in London. I was ready to write about how on Friday, the NFL was buried on the BBC sport website, taking a backseat to minor news about a minor team in the English Premiership that few American football fans have ever heard of. About how strangely the American game translates into English sport lingo, but you can read it for yourself.

But then, the fans in London surprised me. They filled the place, screamed and shouted their way through the rain-soaked mostly terrible display. And aside from booing the Giants for running out the last 2 minutes of the 4th quarter, acted as knowledgeable fans of the game. And who wants to see 2 minutes of kneeldowns anyway? Ok, aside from Giants fans who wanted to get the hell out of London before they blew one to the lowly Dolphins...

So my story of the week was spoiled until late Sunday night and early Monday morning, when I caught a double dose of intense outrage. And I'm sure I am not alone. Here are those 2 stories:

1. Another heckuva job

A number of agencies, governments and people earned high praise for their handling of this week's wildfires in California. The general consensus was this: Southern California was well-prepared to handle the disaster. This was not another Katrina.

The scene at San Diego, I mean...Jack Murphy, er... Qualcomm Stadium was one of organization, where volunteers outnumbered evacuees, kids were distracted with art projects and games, pets were pampered, and any and all comparisons to the scene at the Superdome post-Katrina were speedily (forgive me) extinguished.

Even FEMA was praised for its response.

Until they got in their own way.

Tuesday, FEMA held a press conference. Only, they sort of forgot to tell the press. But that didn't stop them from holding the conference. Without the press in attendence, FEMA planted staffers in the crowd to ask questions it "thought the press would ask."

QUESTION: Sir, there are a number of reports that people weren't heeding evacuation orders and that was hindering emergency responders. Can you speak a little to that, please?

QUESTION: Can you address a little bit what it means to have the president issue an emergency declaration, as opposed to a major disaster declaration? What does that (inaudible) for FEMA?

QUESTION: Sir, we understand the secretary and the administrator of FEMA are on their way out there. What is their objective? And is there anyone else traveling with them?

Question: I know you guys were appointed by President Bush, but are you really as stupid as you seem? I can't say it better than CBS' Bob Schieffer already has:

"Fire these people and the people who hired them and then explain to the new people that the best way for a disaster relief agency to get good publicity is to do a good job helping disaster victims."

It gets worse...

2. FOX BASHING!!

Thank you Fox, once again, for dashing my hopes of avoiding a 3rd straight week mentioning the freakin' Yankees. But I can't let this one slide. Why

Why??

Why??

Must you break the news about A-Rod opting out of his contract for next year when the 2007 season is 9 outs from over? Can we celebrate the end of one of the more exciting, engaging seasons in recent history (that happened to culminate with the most BORING World Series ever, but that's not the point) without having to talk about next season? Does "Wait til next year" mean anything to you?

6 outs away from sweeping their 2nd World Series in 4 years, and all Joe Buck, Tim McCarver and that total tool Ken Rosenthal (you're so cool, Ken...you have Scott Boras in your Blackberry!) can talk about is what the Red Sox are going to do about Mike Lowell next year and do they need A-Rod. NO! They don't need A-Rod, they're about to win their second World Series since he started playing for their arch-rival! Can we focus, please?

The World Series should be a celebration of the season that was, not the season to come. A-Rod can wait. Sometimes being first isn't as important as being good.

And while I'm at it, shame on the NY Post and the Daily News for thinking the A-Rod story was bigger than the World Series. It's not. Winning the World Series is the biggest on-the-field story of the season.

And shame on A-Rod and Scott Boras. Couldn't you two have waited for the offseason to officially arrive before you set off the biggest story of the offseason?

Oh crap. It's the offseason.

Well, at least the Giants are good. That was rather unexpected.

Jolly good show on the muddy pitch, chaps.








Saturday, September 1, 2007

Story of the Week -- Aug 27-31

You Know How I Know You're Gay?

You know how I know you're gay?

You're an ultra-conservative Senator from Idaho with a wife, kids, and grandkids and yet you still feel the urge to solicit strange men for sex in airport bathrooms.

That's pretty gay.

Actually, it's so gay that calling it gay is an insult to gay people. Because men who like that they're gay and know that they're gay go to gay bars and Celine Dion concerts to find other gay men and they go home and have sex with them like normal people.

But Senator Larry Craig doesn't like the fact that he's gay. He tried to hide it with a loving wife, a family, grandchildren. And still, he couldn't resist the occasional romp in an airport bathroom.(we can only guess) Listening to the tape and reading the police report, the evidence is pretty clear - Craig was caught red-handed and then made stuff up like and eight year old with a hand in the cookie jar and chocolate on his face.

Ooh, sorry. Bad imagery.

Anyway, a while back I wrote about Rev. Ted Haggard. A male prostitute in Colorado said he slept with the evangelical leader on a number of occasions. Haggard went to "gay rehab" and in 3 weeks was "cured of his gayness." I opined then, and I still believe, that maybe if Haggard had been allowed to be gay none of this would happen. Same goes for Craig. Who's to say the people of Idaho don't elect a gay congressman? Or at least, a single congressman they suspect to be gay?

Craig's fatal flaw is the hypocrisy. Not only does he have the beard family, he has the beard congressional record. He was one of the most conservative Senators. He voted in favor of a constitutional ban on gay marriage and spoke out against gay rights at every opportunity. This guy takes shame and self-loathing to the highest degree. Then he has the balls to say "I'm not gay. I've never been gay," after he literally gets caught with his pants down.

And he's supposedly a good guy, a good representative of the state of Idaho. He's served well and been re-elected twice. I don't like his politics, but other than that, I never remember having anything against him. In fact, I'd never heard of him. Now that he resigned, I feel a little bad for him. A little.

Why? Because, sadly, there are more Larry Craigs out there (nice to see you again, Mr. McGreevy, how's your wife? Ohhhh....). People like Craig are brought up being told that who they are is wrong and that they should be ashamed, so they cover it up, bury it deep down. Until it springs a leak elsewhere. Maybe, just maybe, if these people weren't ashamed of themselves, they could be the good politicians they're capable of being, and they could leave the sex scandals to their deviant, corrupt, perverted hetero colleagues.

What Craig did is gross, it's shameful, and it's not something I'd like to see happen in any airport bathroom I visit. But it never had to happen, if only the senator was allowed to be himself.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Foofaraw - Or what I've learned so far this week (and it's only Wednesday!)

Here's what I've learned so far this week:
  1. Teleprompters only malfunction when your anchor is live on the air.
  2. Time Warner Cable sucks. Sucks beyond belief, actually. At work, the cable was out for a whole day, an entire day cut off from our own air because the cable company owned by the same people who pay my salary can't figure out how to get service to us for an entire day. At home, the DVR just decides to stop recording things in the middle (if it records them at all) and sometimes, when you change the channel, all you get is a blank screen. Sucks. They suck. And they know they suck, so they stock their call centers with double-digit IQs who call you "Mr. David" and treat you like a ping pong ball. Sucks.
  3. When you have to say publicly "I'm not gay. I've never been gay" --- you're gay. (more on this to come)

Friday, August 3, 2007

Story of the Week -- July 30 - Aug 3

Left Behind

I was clicking around aimlessly on Facebook, going through random profiles, like most of us do when there's downtime at work and you've read all the blogs you can stand, and I came across the profile of someone from camp who is on staff this year. And under jobs it said "counsler".

There are, I think, four things you should be able to, no matter, what, spell correctly: your name, your address, the name of your school or place of business, and your job title. Certainly, I hate to see his resume some day.

But that's not what bothered me. What bothered me is what happened when I clicked the word "counsler" and up came a list of almost forty people who were "counslers." And that got me thinking.

The debate re-opened this week on a little piece of Republican wunder-legislation called No Child Left Behind. And I think it's pretty clear: shit's not working.

Actually, children aren't left behind per se.

Of the 40 or so people who listed that they are or were once "counslers", (and these are completely unscientific and mostly meaningless numbers) 10 of them are high school graduates, at least 8 of them are in college, 3 are college graduates and at least 1 made it into graduate school. One of them, sad to say, graduated from my alma mater. So it seems in this country, we are dragging everyone along whether they are ready or not. Can't spell? Can't read? doesn't matter, we need the federal funding, so you pass.

That is the main beef with NCLB. The law places too much emphasis on math and reading test scores and then penalizes schools that score poorly. Shouldn't it be the opposite? But then, that penalizes schools who do well, doesn't it? So then, who's being left where?

Congressman George Miller (D-CA), chairman of the House education committee, is trying to rewrite NCLB and change the measures for achievement that determine the level of funding. Mostly, he's trying to take the emphasis away from the tests. He wants a law that makes sense, that focuses on more than just Math and Reading, and that actually holds schools accountable and you know, doesn't leave anyone behind, literally more than symbolically.

But the Republicans will have none of that. They'd like everything to stay the way it is. (Sound familiar?) As the Bush administration continues to be one of "if it's broken, pretend like it ain't."

“Throughout our schools and communities, the American people have a very strong sense that the No Child Left Behind Act is not fair. That it is not flexible. And that it is not funded. And they are not wrong.” said Miller. And Republicans say any attempt to change the bill will ruin the reauthorization.

Now you're saying something! Throw out NCLB. It's a stupid law and it doesn't work. All it does is force schools to fudge test results, force teachers to teach to state tests rather than teach a wide and creative curriculum, and it drags kids up grade by grade who aren't ready. If you finish second grade, but you can't read, you need to go do second grade again. If you're old enough to be a camp counselor, and you can't spell camp counselor, somewhere along the way, you got left behind.

Assuming you weren't left behind, read on.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Why you might not see Dubya at Killington anytime soon

The following is a list of cities and towns across the U.S. that have passed resolutions calling for the impeachment of President Bush and Vice President Cheney:

Amherst, MA
Arcata, CA
Ashfield, MA
Berkeley, CA
Brattleboro, VT
Bristol, VT
Brookfield, VT
Brookline, MA
Buckland, MA
Burke, VT
Calais, VT
Cambridge, MA
Carrboro, NC
Colrain, MA
Craftsbury, VT
Chapel Hill, NC
Detroit, MI
Dummerston, VT
East Montpelier, VT
Fairfax, CA
Ferndale, MI
Grafton, VT
Great Barrington, MA
Greensboro, VT
Guilford, VT
Hanover, NH
Hartland, VT
Heath, MA
Ithaca, NY
Jamaica, VT
Jericho, VT
Johnson, VT
Lanesborough, MA
Leverett, MA
Leyden, MA
Marlboro, VT
Middlebury, VT
Middletown, NY
Montague, MA
Montpelier, VT
Montgomery, VT
Morristown, VT
Newbury, VT
Newfane, VT
New Paltz, NY
Northampton, MA
Nyack, NY
Oberlin, OH
Olympia, WA
Peru, VT
Plainfield, VT
Plattsburg, NY
Putney, VT
Richmond, VT
Rochester, VT
Rockingham, VT
Rowe, MA
Roxbury, VT
San Francisco, CA
Santa Cruz, CA (twice)
Sebastopol, CA
Shutesbury, MA
Springfield, VT
Stannard, VT
Stockbridge, MA
Sunderland, VT
Takoma Park, MD
Telluride, CO
Tompkins County, NY
Townshend, VT
Tunbridge, VT
Urbana, IL
Vershire, VT
Warwick, MA
Wendell, MA
West Hollywood, CA
Westminster, VT
Whately, MA
Wilmington, VT
Woodbury, VT
Woodstock, NY

In the interest of being fair and balanced: you may notice a disproportionate number of towns in Vermont on this list. That might be because Vermont is the only state whose state legislature has passed a resolution of its own (several other states have introduced resolutions that did not pass) And this list comes from predominately democratic places. Fair enough, but these resolutions shouldn't be about partisanship. They are about removing from office the worst administration we've ever had. And actually, it would only make more sense if Republicans would be working to oust Bush in order to restore the integrity of their party, which at this point has none.

The most recent city to pass a resolution is West Hollywood, CA, which did so unanimously.

The list is encouraging, but it should be 2 or 3 or 8 times as long. Maybe then, Congress will take a cue from the Vermont State Legislature.

http://impeachpac.org/resolutions-list#Cities/Towns/Counties

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Story of the Week - July 2-6

Posting early this week, because I'm going away for a long weekend at camp.

Happy Birthday, USA

On this July 4th, I think it's time for Congress to do the patriotic thing. It's time to come together to draft articles of impeachment and remove President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.

For their utter disregard for the other branches of government, system of checks and balances, criminal justice system, laws and Constitution of this country, they have to go. Time to have our first woman president, 18 months early. Time to restore America's faith in itself, and the world's faith in America.

That's all I can say. I can't remember getting more angry over a newspaper headline than when I saw "Bush Commutes Libby Sentence, Saying 30 Months ‘Is Excessive’" on the front of Tuesday's New York Times. I'm appalled, disgusted, and embarrassed to be sharing this national holiday with a leader like this.

When I called camp last week to tell them I was coming for the holiday weekend, I was warned, "no fireworks this year." Maybe that's fitting, because I'm in no mood to celebrate my country right now.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Story of the Week -- June 11-15

I chose to write this week's story as an allegory.


Georgie and the Albanians

OR

The Puppy Who Lost His Way

About 6 years ago, the States family got a new dog.

They named him Georgie.

One day, Georgie went over to the Tigris family's yard and started digging.

He dug for days and days but never seemed to find anything.

Then he attacked the Tigris family dog for no reason.

Then he brought his things over to the Tigris family's yard and burried them.

By now, most of the yard is destroyed. The Tigris family is very mad at Georgie. So are the other families in the neighborhood.

Georgie is getting old. He's stubborn and mean to the other dogs. He never seems to want to do anything fun. He just likes to play in the bushes.

The States family is just plain tired of Georgie.

So this week, they decided to take Georgie for a walk around the neighborhood. They want people to like Georgie again.

First they went to see the Deutsch family. The Deutsch family has had some really mean dogs before, but they seem to have forgotten, and they just hate Georgie.

They don't like when Georgie sniffs their dog's butt. When he sees their dog, Angie, he goes right for it again. "Georgie! Mrs. States yells, "stop sniffing Angie's butt!"

But Georgie can't help it."Go away, Georgie" yells the Deutsch family.

Next, Georgie goes to the Frank family's house. The Frank family just got a new dog, Nicky.

Georgie doesn't pay attention to Nicky. The Frank family never liked the States family that much, though. And nobody really knows why.

But when Georgie comes by, they yell him "Go away Georgie! We don't want you here!"

Next they take Georgie to the Pasta's house. "It always smells so good here" says Mr. States.

But they won't let Georgie come near them. They are really mad at Georgie for what he did to the Tigris family's yard. "Go away, Georgie!" they yell.

"It's no use," says Mrs. States. "Nobody likes our stupid dog. Let's go home."

But just then, the family passes by a small house next door to the Pastas. This is the house of the Albanian family.

The Albanians are a strange family. They have two small children who don't like to play outside. And they don't have a dog. In fact, they've never even seen a dog before.

When they see Georgie walk by, they go crazy. They run to him. They pet him. And they kiss him. "We Love You, Georgie," they say. "You're the best dog."

Even Mr. States is surprised that the Albanians love Georgie. Then again, he didn't even know there was a house here before.

The Albanian kids bring treats for Georgie. Georgie licks their faces and wags his mangled tail. It's been a long time since somebody was this nice to Georgie.

"Kids, how would you like it if Georgie came and lived with you?" says Mrs. States. The Albanian kids jump up and down with excitement. They hug Georgie. "We love you, Georgie!" they say again.

Mrs. States says "Well, if they love him so much, they can keep him. We can go get another dog."

And they left Georgie to live with the Albanians.

And everyone was happy.

The End.

If only the end part had really happened, too........

On the other hand, less than 600 days til we can but ol' Georgie down for good!

Friday, June 8, 2007

Story of the Week -- June 4-8

Part 2 of 5,600 Furlongs from Baltimore is now up at The Travelers Pen! Check it out! The story continues...then it ends. http://thetravelerspen.com/

Here's the story of the week.

It’s short this week, but important, and to the point. And if I write any more about this subject, I think my head will explode.

The Most Important Story

The most important story this week, by far, is Paris Hilton went to jail to serve a 45 day sentence the War in Iraq. A lot has happened to Paris in Iraq this week. The situation continues to get worse, with no end in sight.

For one thing, the number of days Paris has been sentenced to serve is ridiculous US soldiers killed there since the war began more than four years ago topped 3,500. May was a tough month for Paris Hilton but she made the best of it one of the deadliest months of the war, with 127 killed, and there have been close to 30 deaths in June already. In fact, Paris Hilton went to the Billboard Music Awards for one last hurrah before she reported to jail Monday night an average of four soldiers have been killed every day in Iraq this month.

The story is far from over. 3 Days Soon after Paris Hilton went to jail the 3500th soldier was killed, she was released Muqtada al Sadr, the radical Shiite cleric, gave his first interview since the troop surge was announced, reportedly for ‘medical reasons,’ in which he blamed all of Iraq’s problems on the U.S presence there.

On Thursday, Paris Hilton was ordered to spend the rest of her sentence under house arrest at least 63 Iraqis were killed in a series of bombings, shootings, mortar attacks and execution-style killings that have sadly become part of everyday life in Iraq. Most Americans want to see Paris Hilton serve her entire term believe the surge to be a failure at this point, but General David Petraeus stressed that it is too early to see the progress of the surge, since the full troop buildup is not yet complete.

Today, a judge ordered Paris Hilton to return to court in person Lieutenant General Douglas Lute, Bush’s new war czar, admitted that the surge would only have a temporary impact. And Paris Hilton will be escorted to court by police, where she might be ordered to return to jail at least 16 people were killed in two car bombs we have video of Paris Hilton! We have video of Paris Hilton being brought back to court.

It is still shocking, though that Paris Hilton in handcuffs! On tape, confirmed as the death toll rises and the violence escalates, Paris Hilton, support for the war and belief in the surge strategy seems to be wavering even among President Bush’s closest advisers and Paris Hilton highest military personnel. We need to know what’s going to happen next with Paris Hilton may be at a crucial point in this war, at a place where the time Paris Hilton spends in jail may be increased may finally be right to think about a working strategy and a way to actually keep Paris Hilton in jail for her entire sentence end this long, hard, and increasingly more deadly wait tell me more about Paris Hilton I need to know war.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Story of the Week - March 26-30 DO NOT READ THIS POST! DON'T DO IT!

DO NOT READ THIS POST

I saw a great ad on the Internet this week. It was a picture of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on a black background. Below, the words "DO NOT CLICK ON THIS AD - IGNORE THIS MAN" flashed enticingly.

Whether you try to ignore the ad or immediately recognize the point it's probably trying to make, you WILL click on it (just like you're reading this post in spite of the title) And I did, and it brought me to a page about the dangerous implications of giving this man a global stage.

Ahmadinejad has taken steps recently to take over the global stage yet again. He has been granted a Visa by the US State Department to come speak before the UN General Assembly. There, he will make his case against Security Council sanctions that will probably be passed and imposed on his country the moment he finishes speaking. Unless of course he halts Iran's uranium enrichment program. (Not. Likely.) Even Russia, long Iran's best customer and regional best friend, has started to pressure Iran to stop its nuclear activities, said it would vote for the UN sanctions and threatened to stop construction of nuclear facilities inside Iran.

Then there's this stand-off between Iran and Great Britain. Britons are being held under the claim that they sailed into Iranian waters. The British not only deny this, but they have photographic proof that the ship was well inside Iraqi waters. But it seems they can say anything they want. Iran took them captive to make a statement, and the propaganda coming from Tehran this week has been eerie and fascinating.

“To British People,” the latest letter, supposedly from one of the captives, said: “I am writing to you as a British service person who has been sent to Iraq, sacrificed due to the intervening policies of the Bush and Blair governments.”
“Whereas we hear and see on the news the way that prisoners were treated in Abu Ghraib and other Iraqi jails by the British and American personnel, I have received total respect and faced no harm,” the letter in her name said. “It is now our time to ask our government to make a change to its oppressive behavior towards other people.”

There is simply no way that a British sailor wrote this letter on her own. Just like there is no way that the British sailors were taken captive because of something they did wrong. Yet Tony Blair apologizes and continues to request the safe return of the Brits.

Blair is also hoping that the US stays out of the dispute. Why? Because that is exactly the opposite of what Ahmadinejad wants. He wants the US to "click on the ad," so he can declare the US as supporting aggressive imperialist oppression in the region and give him cause to continue developing nuclear weapons, maybe invade Iraq or destroy Israel or whatever else he has on his agenda.

One way to stop him is to ignore him. He has less control over his own people than he lets on, and probably had less to do with the British ship seizure than we think. But he is a master propagandist and a brilliant brinksman. And he is begging Dubya and company to overreact. And I pray that someone is telling Bush to keep his mouth shut and his hands tied. No matter how tempting it may be, we cannot click on that ad.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Story of the Week - March 19-23

Tremendous Harm

The Bush administration is so corrupt that the Democratic majority in Congress doesn't know where to start. By the time they unravel all of the corruption and prove it legally, Bush will be out of office, thankfully. But perhaps he should be out of office sooner than that.

If anything, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales should have resigned last week, yesterday, an hour ago, whenever, but the fact that he still has a job today is just another example of the utter disregard that the Bush White House has for the people, laws, and Constitution of this country.

I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this. But here is what happened and what is happening. The Attorney General, with encouragement from the White House, fired 8 US attorneys who were seen as disloyal to the Bush Administration. U.S. Attorneys are political appointees, as is the Attorney General, and all can be fired by the President. However, the US Attorneys are also part of the Judicial Branch of government. So while the President has the power to choose US attorneys, he cannot tell them how to prosecute their cases. And if a US attorney thinks he's going to be fired unless he prosecutes according to the President's agenda, we might as well not have separation of powers in the Constitution.

Speaking of separation of powers, the Legislative Branch wishes to exercise its check on the Executive by asking key administration officials to testify before Congress. If, as the Bushies say, you did nothing wrong and you stand by the Attorney General, why not share with Congress? We don't have to, says the Bush Administration. Ok, you can talk to Karl Rove, but in a closed-door meeting with no transcript. And you can't place him under oath.

In other words: Here you go democrats, Karl's gonna sit in that chair and lie to you until you're satisfied.

And THEN the administration has the chutzpah to be appalled when the Democrats reject this preposterous offer (which the White House called "extremely generous" - seriously) and seek subpoenas. And it's almost guaranteed that the White House will use all means necessary, legal and illegal, to make sure that Karl Rove doesn't face the Senate Judiciary Committee under oath.

Any more of this, and Congress might be forced to draw up articles of impeachment. That's what Mayor Rocky Anderson, of Salt Lake City, wants. Here, read this:
http://www.slcgov.com/mayor/speeches/2007%20Speeches/pentagonrally31707.pdf

The Mayor of Salt Lake City, a democrat who was brought up Mormon, a multiple-term mayor of a very conservative city, is calling for Bush's impeachment on a daily basis. And he's 100% right.

"our love for our nation - our regard for our constitution - brings us here today to call for the impeachment of a President who has done and continues to do such tremendous harm to our country."


The Washington Post knows more about this than I do:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/20/AR2007032001943.html?sub=new

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/22/AR2007032200213.html

Monday, March 19, 2007

Happy Anniversary, Moron. Happy Now?

Today is the 4th Anniversary of the beginning of the War in Iraq.

In 2003, when we started, 72% of Americans supported the war (turns out, we were lied to, big time) Now, 32% favor it, not that I've actually met any of those people.

3,220 Americans have been killed in Iraq since the war began. That's more than were killed in the September 11 attacks. Over 24,000 Americans have been wounded.

Somewhere between 60,000 and 65,000 Iraqis have been killed, many by other Iraqis. Over 2 million Iraqis have fled Iraq for such places as Sweden and Egypt.

And nobody seems to know exactly what to do next, or how it all will end. And our commander in chief is a complete and utter moron.

Is there good news? Well, 673 days until he leaves the worst foreign policy disaster in the history of The United States behind for somebody else to clean up.

Happy Freakin' Anniversary.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Story of the Week - March 5-9

First of all, how do you get Ann Coulter to shut her mouth? Stop listening to her. And by God, don't buy her books.

Now, Story of the week.

THE FALL GUY

Scooter Libby is a liar. That thing about Tim Russert telling him about covert CIA agent Valerie Plame? He made it up. And now he's going to jail for it. Maybe.

Oversimplified and quite possibly peppered with inaccuracy, here is the Scooter Libby story, and why, in the wake of this week's verdict, the call is out for Vice President Dick Cheney to resign:

In 2002, Joe Wilson, a former ambassador to African nations and Iraq, went to Niger, possibly on instructions from Cheney, to discover whether Iraq was trying to buy uranium from Niger and thus fuel their weapons of mass destruction. Wilson came home and said he doubted this was true.

That didn't stop the Bush administration from claiming in the 2003 State of the Union that "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." A number of articles including Joe Wilson's "What I didn't find in Africa" refute this in later months. In later months, the War in Iraq also begins, justified partly by the "evidence" from Africa.

More importantly in this case, Joe Wilson wrote that scathing article, which was true, critical of the Bush administration. Within the month, Wilson's wife, Valerie Plame, is outed as a CIA operative, in what Wilson alleges was the Bush administration's revenge on his criticisms. The act itself, he says, was orchestrated by Cheney (this is an ongoing lawsuit)

So someone outed this covert agent, and that's against the law. Judith Miller of the New York Times is asked to reveal her source and refuses, until Libby relieves her of her obligation to protect her sources and Miller essentially says it was Libby. And Libby says it wasn't. And he was lying.

Beyond that, if Cheney or Rove told Libby to out Plame, we don't know for sure, but a lot of people, including Joe Wilson, think so. Whether Libby lied to protect Cheney we also don't know, but it's possible. Regardless, Libby lied and he's going to jail for it.

The fascinating part of the story is what will happen to Cheney. Calls for his resignation have gone out from all sides, Republican and Democrat. It would help Bush, it would help Republican presidential candidates, it would give the democrats a say in who the next VP is, it would make the country better to have anyone but Cheney.

Sadly, these are mostly "what-if" scenarios. Cheney is way too arrogant to admit wrongdoing and defeat, especially since he wasn't convicted. Remember, when he shot his friend in the face (by accident), the friend apologized to Cheney! He's the same guy who, when the Bush campaign asked him to go find a Vice President he came back a few days later and said "I'll do it." He found himself. Now that's arrogance.

There is no doubt that Dick Cheney is arrogant, corrupt, vindictive, criminal, soulless, evil, and stubborn. There is also little doubt that he orchestrated the leak of Valerie Plame's identity with the intention of sabotaging her career to exact revenge on Joe Wilson. Each day, the guy reminds me more and more of Jafar from "Aladdin."

Which leads me to believe that even if Bush asked him to resign, he would say no, and it would take criminal conviction (not likely, says Libby Prosecutor Pat Fitzgerald) congressional impeachment (less likely) or a fatal burst blood clot in his leg (possible?) to remove him from office otherwise.

But just the thought or resignation and the prominent people voicing that thought is enough to make you think about how much this Vice President doesn't give a crap about anything but his own personal power and agenda. And sadly, there's not much we can do about it, and Cheney knows it.

There is good news, though: Cheney has no desire to run for President. So in 683 days, he'll be gone anyway.

Please, discuss. This is a monster story and we all can help each other understand it.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Story of the Week - Week of Jan 21-26

Animal Stories

In his 6th State of the Union Address, President Bush pleaded with Congress to let him do what he wants in Iraq and Afghanistan, and I guess, Iran, when it comes to that. The Senate Foreign Relations committee passed a non-binding resolution denouncing the new strategy, then haggled over the specific language, and in the end only one Republican, Sen Chuck Hagel voted for the toothless resolution.

There's a haggle-Hagel joke in there somewhere if you want to go get it.

So we've got wars and bickering Congress, and people throwing rocks at each other in Beirut (and, on at least one occasion, blaming Israel for it. Go figure) And Iran is developing nuclear weapons and now a spy satellite and--sheesh! There's a lot going on. News is chaos.

But you know, if we could get a bird to play golf...maybe that will help.

Move over, Tiger! There's a new animal on the links. (required Tiger-related animal golf quip) Meet AJ, the 5 inch tall Indian ringneck parakeet who plays golf! Watch him make a hole in one.

AJ can also dunk a tiny basketball in a tiny hoop on a tiny court. He can roll over and play dead.
He has his own profile on MySpace. And his videos appear on YouTube, adding dimension to a career that was once restricted to late night talk shows. And CNN filler.

AJ is the latest in a series of animal stories on CNN that include an anchorman-like following of the development of the newest baby Panda at the Atlanta Zoo, video of a woman essentially making out with her pet lion (so many things wrong with that statement) and who can forget the walrus doing sit-ups. Actually, you can't forget, because you had about 19 opportunities to see it last week.

But this week was all about AJ the putting parakeet. Ok, not really. But who needs to hear about wars and dying all day? AJ just made a hole in one.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/01/24/parakeet.putt.ap/index.html

Close runner-up:

Girls charged with conspiring to kill classmates, Oprah
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/01/24/parakeet.putt.ap/index.html

Headline really says it all. Oh, except the Energizer Bunny was also on their hit list.

Kill the Energizer Bunny? Never! He keeps going and going and going and going....

I'm sorry. That was terrible. But it had to be done.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

I'm Beginning to See the Light

AMENDMENT XXII

"No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once..."

Two years from today, it will officially become unconstitutional for George W. Bush ever to hold the office of President of the United States.

All bad things must come to an end, too.