Friday, July 13, 2007

Story of the Week -- July 9-13

Toilet Talk

The news is awash with stories of washrooms this week, flush with joy over a throng of throne innovations and the latest in toilet technology, and of course - crappy puns.

The barrage of bathroom briefs began when health products giant Kimberly-Clark announced it was entering the "final frontier" of public restroom innovation:

Richard Thorne grins as he waves his hand under a toilet paper dispenser in a women's restroom. The machine spits five sheets of tissue into his grasp.
A year in the works, the electronic tissue dispenser is being rolled out to the masses by Kimberly-Clark Professional as it seeks to capture more of the $1 billion away-from-home toilet paper market. The company believes most people will be satisfied with five sheets -- and use 20 percent less toilet paper.

A $1 Billion away-from-home toilet paper market? THAT is some serious shit. Kimberly Clark is offering a completely touchless experience while at the same time cheating you out of toilet paper and paper towels and probably water and soap as well. Though, if you don't really touch anything, how much soap do you really need?
Richard Thorne also philosophized that people "take what they are given," so they'll be satisfied with 5 sheets. How do they know this? Well, through extensive market research of course. Man, where was I when they were signing up volunteers for that study? "Here, go do your thing, come back and tell us how much paper you used."
It's likely that on your next trip to the airport you'll come face to face with the washroom's final frontier. And hopefully all will go smoothly.
But if it doesn't, or if you don't trust the new machines, and if you just happen to be flying on Japan Airlines or All Nippon Airways (i know, it's a stretch - work with me here, I'm going for the transition) , you can hold it in and wait for the experience awaits you in the lavatory of a brand new Boeing 787 Dreamliner!
All Nippon Airways has teamed up with Boeing and TOTO Ltd of Japan to develop a brand new in-flight amenity - bidet toilets. TOTO adapted its trademark Washlet to withstand the rigors of long international flights while still providing the comforts of an at-home bidet (2/3 of Japanese households have bidet toilets, apparently they like a little extra over there...) The Washlet is operated by a side control panel that, according to ANA's executive VP, is "very accurate" and sprays in a number of different directions.
Just look how happy you can be when you use a bidet! I defer to a fellow blogger for more on this silly ass story.
(go ahead, look at the happy asses)
Are you back?
Ok, good, because I've got one more. See, maybe the bidet experience isn't quite what it's cracked up to be. Well, then, on your continued search for lavatorial nirvana, you should hop a flight to....Chonqing, China!
(I think I have a future writing Price is Right Showcases...)

That's right, Chonqing, where they are flush with pride over the opening of their new "porcelain palace" a garden of over 1,000 toilets and urinals spread out over 4 stories and 30,000 square feet.
"We are spreading toilet culture. People can listen to gentle music and watch TV," said Lu Xiaoqing, an official with the Yangrenjie, or "Foreigners Street," tourist area where the bathroom is. "After they use the bathroom they will be very, very happy."

At last! Bathroom bliss, and in a public restroom, no less, with a thousand of my very happy friends.
Ah.....many toilet stories, so little time to wonder why. But allow me for a minute. Why on earth does one need so much love in the loo? I mean, music, TV, how much time am I really going to be spending in the bathroom in China?
Then I found this: there's WHAT in these dumpings?? ohhhhh.....
How many channels does this crapper get?

1 comment:

Liz said...

Interesting that the Office of Tourism (?) felt that "The Garden of 1,000 Flushers" was a good idea...I'll tell you what would have been a good idea...If peeing in luxury is a concern in that country, then the money used for this attraction should have gone toward upgrading the hole-in-the-floor "toilets" that I had to use 3/4 of the time during my stay in China. I'm just sayings all...