I started this blog last December, which means my readers have yet to experience an October with me. However, those readers who know me know that October means time to bash Fox's baseball coverage!
This includes everything from cursing out Tim McCarver every time he squeezes a not-so-subtle Yankees reference into a game that doesn't involve the Yankees AT ALL, to calling for Jeannie Zelasko's death and dismemberment every time she makes a bad pun or offers an ill-informed and totally obvious "update". (You're gonna love October...)
Luckily (or not), October came early this year and Fox's All Star coverage was as sucky as ever. Here are just a few examples:
The Diamondback's outfielder didn't make the All-Star roster, so instead he joined the Fox follies and took his spot in a kayak in McCovey Cove along with his glove and his bulldog. A seat in the cove seemed as hard to come by as a seat in the ballpark. Harder maybe. And that was funny to me, since not one baseball landed in the Cove during the game or during Monday's Home Run Derby. Maybe that's why Byrnes got out of the water around the 4th inning (perhaps suddenly realizing that AT&T Park is a pitcher's park, hmm?). Maybe he figured that if he's going to contribute zero substance to the game, he might as well be dry.
Not even the bulldog wanted to be out in the Cove with Byrnes. When Eric tossed a ball out into the water for the dog to fetch, the dog made a beeline for the Pacific Ocean.
Next year, I'm voting as many times as I can for Eric Byrnes to be an All-Star.
I understand that numbers are a huge part of baseball, and so I had certain expectations when I turned on the broadcast. It didn't bother me to hear how many all star games each player played in, what their stats were this year, etc. It's the unnecessary and/or painfully obvious offerings from Fox that irk me the most.
First came the graphic about Ken Griffey, Jr's standing on the all-time HR list. He has 586 career HR, so does Frank Robinson. What was the graphic? a picture of Griffey and a picture of Robinson. Under each: "586 HR, T-6th all time." Who's 5th? Don't know. Who's 7th? No idea.
Then, when Barry Bonds came to the plate for his second at bat, Fox decided to scroll his entire career underneath the score bar at the top of the screen. All you people talk about is Barry Bonds! This whole All Star Break has been about Barry Bonds! So now I finally get to see him up at bat, but I can't, cause all I can see is this stupid crawl about his lifetime on base percentage. Goddammit, Fox, is it so hard to talk about his numbers, or is McCarver too busy talking about how great Derek Jeter is at getting into ready position?
Stupid prepared packages
I don't mind so much that you have stuff prepared to introduce us to players we may not know, like Chase Utley and Prince Fielder. That's fine. EXCEPT -- show them while the players are still in the game! TWICE this happened:
"Orlando Hudson bats for the first time. The D-Back's second baseman came into the game for Chase Utley. And let's show you Utley's HP Dumbass Bio thingie. OOH! He likes to dance at weddings. Do you like to dance at weddings, Tim?"
(I was paraphrasing)
And Tim, I get it, you used to be a catcher. And catchers are Jesus.
OH MY GOD I HATE FOX!! MAKE IT STOP!!
And then, in the 9th Inning, Joe Buck forgot where he was: "...on this beautiful night in San Diego..."
Ready for October?